There is a cliche that says, "Respect is earned, not given." However, there is another side of that coin – human dignity – which recognizes that all persons hold an intrinsic value merely for being a human being. This sounds simple enough, but I have found that the dignity of a person can be neglected while solutions to poverty are formulated, whether through lack of awareness or education, or even through good (albeit misguided) intentions.

Both in my work and my friendships with women experiencing poverty, I find their dignity is at greatest risk of being jeopardized. They are often put in positions where they are more vulnerable, more desperate, and in worst cases, commodified. Situations can become dire when they need to ask for things not just for themselves but for their children as well. While it is a privilege and honor to be in the position to help someone, it rarely takes as much courage and strength being the giver as it does being the asker. When someone trusts us enough to ask of us, we are being given the greater gift. 

At  House of  Hagar, where I live and have many friends experiencing poverty issues, I am constantly a student. Every time I think I have learned "the subject," I find there is more to the complex fabric of poverty. One day, this privilege left me in a position of being a student once more. We had just finished a House of Hagar Fellowship meal when a young lady asked if she could talk to me privately. She brought along two of her friends and we stepped into a quiet room.

I could immediately tell by her body language and lack of eye contact that she was embarrassed. I tried assuring her it was fine to talk about whatever she needed. However, I was surprised when she meekly and bashfully asked if I had any used underwear because she and her friends did not have any on. Startled, my eyes welled up with tears, and I told them they deserved new underwear and that we would immediately get some. I wasn't only taken aback because they were asking for my used underwear, but because I was about twice the size of these tiny, young women. I could only imagine the desperation they must have been feeling to ask for such an item!

In my years working with those living on the streets, I never noticed that underwear was rarely donated to us. Nor are underwear usually found in thrift stores, as the young ladies explained to me. I thanked them profusely for teaching me something that I desperately needed to learn.

We continued the conversation when one of the girls said, "Well, if you don't mind us asking for underwear, could I ask for one more thing? Would you happen to have any tampons?"

She went on to explain that she didn't have any because the shelter where she was staying was run by a young man. He was very kind, but when she finally worked up the courage to explain she had started her cycle and needed tampons, he sweetly came back with just one. She did not have the heart or strength to explain that's not how it worked and was dreading having to ask several times a day. She already felt ashamed that she was in a shelter. Her dignity could not take another blow. 

My heart suddenly understood another lesson! There are things that we should not have to ask for, particularly as women, nor need to explain, particularly to a man. Because of those three young women's courage to teach me something I needed to learn, the Dignity Dresser at the House of Hagar was born. We now keep a dresser that is stocked with women's and men's underwear, bras, razors, feminine hygiene products—items that people can help themselves to without asking. I cannot imagine having to wake up every morning and ask a stranger for a pair of underwear, a pad, or any other personal item needed to take care of my basic human needs. An already hurting person shouldn’t have to, either.

This issue presents an opportunity to consider the economy of love. It offers space for listening and learning about how we might hold up our sisters in ways that may have not been considered before. For while human dignity cannot be earned, it can be recognized and supported. No matter how many pennies we have in our pocket or holes in our underwear, our priceless human dignity should be underneath it all.

BACK TO NEWS